She Adores her Ex - She Uses Me for Chores

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
I am 20 years old and my partner is 21, now, I've been really bad last year trying to cope with my father's death. I'm now on a prescription to help me cope and seeing a councilor. My partner has a lot of issues also but she can't see a councilor as she will lose her job because of it.

Anyway, its coming up to our second anniversary this month and she is unsure about staying with me. You see, after Christmas we split up, but then after a week she decided she is still in love with me and wants me around, but there's a horrible twist...

She is in love with her ex. She chose me instead of him, she wont cheat on me, but she cant deny her feelings for him either. They talk often.

Now she is pretty darn certain she is no longer in love with me, but she is still choosing me over him. Every time she decides we are going to break up she asks me a lot of questions, kind of like she is asking for convincing. But then follows on by saying I'm only with you for your sake because i don't want you to be alone or hurt, but I don't want to be with you either.

I don't understand. I tell her to leave me if she really wants to. Truth be told I love her so much its ridiculous. I'm putting up with this love triangle. I'm there for her, I cook and clean for her, give her massages whenever she needs them and make her a warm bath waiting for her after work and even breakfast in bed. I try really hard to make her happy but she says she still isn't in love with me. She can see the person she fell in love with but I'm 'not her type' anymore. She says she is willing to spend the rest of her life as my partner.

What on earth is going on?!? Advice
I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. She is using you as a safety blanket and it's just not fair. She's not choosing you - she's chosen him and she's making do with you until things can work out with him.

I know you love her and that this is going to be really hard - but you need to call it quits for her sake and for yours. Somewhere out there is a woman who will adore you. I know it's hard to imagine right now, but somewhere is a woman who will adore you and who you will absolutely adore. Who will set your soul on fire, because she loves you with all your heart. The love you have now is laced with pain. The love you will find will be shining with golden light.

The only way you can get to that wonderful love is to draw an end to what this woman is doing to you. It is causing you both pain and that's not good for either of you.

It'll be really hard, and it'll hurt, but it's what needs to be done.

Good luck!

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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