My Ex-Boyfriend's Younger Brother

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
So there's this guy that I really, really like but I just don't understand what he wants... This guy is my ex boyfriends younger brother too so that kind of makes it difficult because my ex and I didn't have a good start or ending. In fact. it was horrible and probably the most dramatic incident that's ever happened in the high school i went to.

For as long as I can remember the younger brother and I have always had an undeniable connection. Before we ever realized it and was just friends everyone could see it and that was even back when I was talking to the older brother because he would accuse me of something going on. When really there wasn't. Well honestly that guy was horrible. He was lying to me and really he had a girlfriend and was keeping me on the side, which his brother kept telling me but I didn't believe him. When school started back up I apologized because I found out it was true but at that point I was in too deep because I really thought that I loved the older brother.

Well when I realized that I didn't want to continue with the older brother because I didn't want to be the "other girl" I got really close with the younger brother. He was always telling me how much he liked me, we would go on dates, and I just spent a lot of time with him and it didn't matter what we were doing it was never boring or awkward. Unfortunately I was an idiot and ended up dating someone else. (2013 until a couple months ago)

Now that I'm single he's been trying to get in contact with me. I guess that I really hurt him because there were a couple times me and that other guy broke up temporarily and during those couple times I ended up with the younger brother... I know I'm terrible...

But a couple weeks ago I was at a party and the younger brother was there and he confronted me big time. He ended up taking me off to the side and really telling me how he felt, how I hurt him, and how he doesn't understand why he was never good enough to get my attention, and honestly he started crying. I felt so bad, but I ended up apologizing and we worked it out. :) But now after he confessed how he felt about me I didn't know if he meant it to sure and last week I ended up going to his house and helped him work on a few things in the garage and I stayed the night.. We just talked, watched movies, and kissed a little. We became a lot closer for sure.

BUT.. Then he didn't talk to me the next day. He told him yesterday that he lost his phone but I don't know if I believe it. He's just a butthole to me because he says that he has to protect himself and he's just really putting up a huge front, but then that night he put down the wall and was actually sweet and open/ honest. Then after not talking for a day I texted him yesterday and asked him to go to this party with me. I picked him up and he was just telling me how his aunt I met the other night was talking about me and saying I'm so sweet and he loves that she likes me but he also went on to say that she was worried because she knows how he treats girls.... So that was crushing!

Later on through the night we was drinking and everyone knows you talk too much when you drink and I told him how I felt and he told me how he felt which was pretty much the same.. We like each other a little too much given the circumstances, it feels right, but he's just worried I'm going to hurt him again. Then after that he snapped back into dick mode.

He's so confusing and I just need help figuring out how to go about getting him to believe me and trust me. I guess I would like to know how to get his attention more because I've done the play hard to get & persona and the sweet & open. I don't want to be just another girl and I don't want to rush into a relationship, but I also would like to be more than just friends. Like I don't want to hear he had another girl over... And even after last night I haven't heard from him. I would like to know how to make that transition from being so close to more... Oh yeah and he leaves for the marines soon too. Advice
It sounds like your relationship is really complicated - no wonder he's worried about being hurt! He's already been hurt quite a lot in the past and has had to put up walls to remain sane. So his behavior is perfectly normal and natural.

Trust is something that takes time to build and repair. You can't rush it. You will have to work on this every day. Prove to him that you really are a new person. That you are reliable. That you won't betray him. This isn't something he'll accept overnight. It'll take time. Invest the time and show him, every day, that you're worth it.

If he's held onto you all this time, through everything you've been through, it sounds like it's worth the effort.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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