Overcoming my Jealousy
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old MaleMy girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year now, and of course we have had our ups and downs. I have always been a little jealous of her past b/c she has cheated before, but she has told me over and over again that she wants to spend her life with me, and I honestly believe her and feel the same way.
She has a few guy friends that would want nothing more than to be with her, but she says that she has made it clear to them that she is not interested and that she loves me. I found a text message on her phone that had a ryming poem in it that ended with "can't wait to see you soon" it was from one of these guys, I asked her about it and she just said that she didn't tell me because she didn't think it was important, and of course I got jealous and we argued and accomplished nothing.
She really doesn't hide things from me though.. so should I be upset? Also recently, she has begun to spend a lot of time with another guy for school projects. I get so upset when they spend time together. All I can think about is her finding qualities in him that she likes better than me. It is really ridiculous! She says she has no feelings for him.
Today, we agreed to separate and work things out because she says that I am no longer the man that she fell in love with. What can I do to deal with my jealousy issues. I love her and cannot stand not having her in my life.
RomanceClass.com AdviceIt is of course great to love someone - but love is all about trust. If you can't trust someone, and always doubt what they are doing and why, then that lack of trust can easily destroy any relationship. It can pull apart even the most loving relationship.
I have advice on jealousy here -
http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/howto/jealousy/index.asp
I would tell her that you are actively working on your jealousy and that there is no reason to work on them apart. Part of a relationship is facing ALL issues together - not abandoning each other when an issue appears. There are always going to be issues in life. You need to face them together.
Yes, right now you are feeling jealous. Who knows, next time it could be that she feels upset about something! But the key is to face things TOGETHER. The moment you start "taking breaks" it is saying you are incapable of working on things together - that you have been defeated. So don't take a break. Don't work apart to solve an issue. Work on it together, and conquer it together. THAT is what makes you stronger, and helps you survive the years. That is what life is all about.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
Visitor Submitted ResponsesOur RomanceClass visitors have chimed in with thoughts on this question and answer. Click on a link below to read what their solutions are!
She will not hide
