I'm Jealous about my Boyfriend
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old FemaleI can't shake the feeling my boyfriend is cheating or will cheat on me. He's a huge flirt and is always looking at other girls.
Guys have always hurt me in the past by cheating. I don't know what to do. He's done things that I can't get out of my mind. I don't want to be jealous,and I want to trust him.
How do I let go of being jealous knowing he's done things with other girls before? How can I not get angry when he's always looking at other girls?
RomanceClass.com AdviceIt's definitely very hard to trust a new guy when you have been hurt by guys in the past. But that is part of growing up. You have to accept that some guys are jerks - and that by dating them you learn very valuable lessons about life. But just because some guys are jerks, it should NOT make you think your current guy is a jerk!! Otherwise how could you ever be happy, if even when you meet a wonderful guy you just assume he WILL be a jerk!
Every person you date has a past. His past has made him what he is today! So that past was an important, valuable part of his life. In the same way, your own past has made you what YOU are today. So both of your pasts worked out well, in that they guided you two to each other. If you guys hadn't had the previous relationships you had, you probably would never have ended up together for all sorts of reasons.
I have a how-to area on jealousy -
http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/howto/jealousy/index.asp
work through that and see if it helps out. But jealousy has been around since the days of the pyramids and has destroyed millions of relationships. If you really can't get a handle on your jealousy and your worry, I would talk to a teacher or counsellor or therapist or someone else. Jealousy is all up in your brain, that you don't feel good enough for someone else to stay with. Either you get it OUT of your brain, or it will keep destroying any relationships you have.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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