After 10 years, she left me for someone elseWe often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions. Original Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Male I have been with my girlfriend for almost 10 years. I thought she was the one and I wanted to marry her. She only had one guy before me. We dated through undergrad, grad school (long distance), and lived together for 3.5 years. We enjoyed the same things, had the same humor, and complemented each other's features. She got a new job two years ago where she had to commute for 2 hours. All her new friends were single girls, ready to play around with guys, go drinking, cheating, and acting reckless. When I popped the question of marriage, which we spoke many times before about, she said she wasn't sure I was the one. The last year the relationship started deteriorating. We started treating each other like we were evil, "you are doing this just to piss me off", " you don't hug me", "you ignore me", "you treat me like a roomate" and so on. Mutual accusations getting worse and worse. I thought I couldn't stand this any more, and breakup thoughts hit my head. Then one day she announced she was moving out and kept to her word. I tried everything to get her back. I cried, I begged, I even helped her move out. We eventually got closer, went out and did things together, we went on nature trips together, and I kept begging her to come back. But she would always say she wasn't ready she wanted to be on her own. Then for her birthday, I gave her a huge bouquet of roses and took her on a adventurous trip. The trip was great, we kissed, she told me I was getting better, and she may get back with me, but not yet. This was just two weeks ago. But when we came back she all of a sudden stopeed all contact and is now with another guy, spending every living moment with him, most likely sleeping with him and acting like a total whore just to impress him, and she hasn't replied to my phone calls or e-mails. I am devastated, I can't eat, I lost over 15 pounds in just a week, I can't sleep. All of a sudden it hit me - I am losing her. I feel she played me by going on a trip, and I also feel she is not acting like herself. I can't imagine living without her, and I would cut both of my arms to be with her. She is everything I ever wanted in life, my soulmate. Even her parents are on my side. I don't know what to do. I am planning to write her a letter by hand, and hope she would think about us seriously. I am very afraid she is gonna brush it off and not answer or just say "we are through" right away. Do you think ten years can be forgotten so easily? Will she cling to this new guy even if he's worse? Does she feel guilty for giving me hope while having dirty intentions for another guy. Help me please, what should I do? User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Male Hey man, your story sounds exactly like mine only some minor differences but not much. First mine was the same time almost ten years however we lived together for several not three. But the ex was the big V right. Virgin. So she had never been with another man and I had a feeling she would do this somewhere down the line. Our relationship was on the rocks and was probably over a long time ago like stated above. But I never wanted to give up. I was so determined to marry this girl. Then I found out about this other man in her life. I will not get into detail but she was really stupid and I found out about him. I actually caught her texting him and trying to hide it under a females name. She left a b-day card in a book from him that I found the day I moved out. Man was a wreck and I still think I am three years later. I've gotten better but I think about it everyday. It's a form of PTSD. So I feel your pain my friend and I'll say this. Take any advise you want and I'm sure you beat your head time and time again like I did. But it's sad too say your ex had that guy lined up a long time ago. She is not a faithful woman and weak and insecure people find a replacement before they break up with someone. I would not chase her at all. Like my dad said she will get shit on one day by that dude or another one. So once she knows how you felt thats when they come back but if they don't screw it. Go find another. And when you're happy with the love of your life thats when ex's come back. .Me, I just haven't found the right girl yet but shes out there. So never chase after being dumped. Good luck The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer
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