The thing that makes me want to stay is that I do love him, just not passionatelyWe often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions. Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years. He was my first love and I lost my virginity to him about two years ago. The problem is that the sex is not good, for me at least. However, since I've never had sex before I'm not sure if it's just me or if it's him. Part of the problem may be that I'm not that physically attracted to him. I fell in love with him because of his personality, not his looks. We have lived together for awhile and even bought a house together, but lately I've been wondering if he's the one. Without the good sex life it feels like we're just best friends. Also, since he's the only person I've slept with, it depresses me to think that I'll never have good sex or feel true passion. That's what makes me want to leave. The thing that makes me want to stay is that I do love him, just not passionately. Also, I don't want to leave him and realize he was the best guy for me. Besides the physical attraction (he's attracted to me though) we have a pretty good relationship. I just don't want to get married and have kids and then realize that the physical was more important than I thought. I also know that if we broke up he would not want to be friends, so I'd be losing my best friend as well. Please help! User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female work with him Passion is something you have to work at when you've been with someone for a long time. I know the sex with my ex boyfriend and I wasn't that good until we really started to work at it. And belive me I didn't find him attractive either. But I loved him. We started watching the sunday night sex show...called "talk sex" with sue johanson and we really learned a lot about how to make eachother squirm. We also started to bring other things into the bedroom such as porn, toys and anthing else we could think of just to spice things up. Role playing is something that really put the passion back into our relationship. After three years (my ex and I were together for three years) you can't expect the passion to just be there. you have to reach out for it and make yourself be excited. Try writing him a sexy e-mail while he's at work telling him what you want to do with him when he gets home...and then do what you say. start to fantacize a little more. you do make a good point that you havn't experieced sex with anyone else but if you can't make it good with the man you've been with for three years how to you expect sex to be good with a total stranger. true, you may be more attracted to another man at first but you will run into the same problems you are having now further down the road. hope this helps! The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer
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