i would really like to talk one more time and get closure with herWe often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions. Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male i met my girlfriend when i was 20 and she was 16. we were together for four years. her parents were very critical of me to a point where my girlfriend would tell me things they were saying which made me feel less than-i avoided them instead of confronting them about it. one day she called me up and broke up with me as well as informing me that she was dating someone already. i was crushed. i had alot of trouble bouncing back from that and did not hear from her for one year. she began driving by my place and calling me. the guy she left me for was going to propose to her and she ditched him and came back to me. i took her back but i wanted to go slow-she wanted to go really fast. within two weeks she came on to me. she wanted me to travel with her when she graduated from college. i didn't want to travel but i helped her get an apt. and supported her emotionally through her first year out of school. she wanted me to be with her-i hesitated- then i gave it a try and moved in with her. i gave up my job with- her support and encouragement- when i did she changed in about a month wanting her space. i moved out on good terms asking her if i owed her anything and thanking her with a hug for everything. i gave her space. a month later she called me and said she was moving back to the city where i live. another month goes by she calls and says to me she is dating someone and she wanted us to be married and settle down but it didn't work out.so now she has this rebound mystery boyfriend she was seeing before we broke up. this hurt me and out of jealousy and defence i lied and said i had been out with a couple of people. two months go by and she calls again to wish me happy birthday. but i didn't get to talk to her in person she left a message. she said she is still seeing someone. i tried to call her back asking that we talk so i can get some closure because i am hurting and feel that she is hurting too-that's why she is behaving the way she is.i love this girl but the pain just pushes me away. now she won't answer her phone or call back. i would really like to talk one more time and get closure with her. any suggestions on how i can do this? User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Female Get closure yourself My opinion: I can sympathize with you about closure, but I do not believe that she needs to be involved. Closure is something that needs to be done alone. The reason being that in situations such as yours, the other party is usually not in the same mind frame. When one wants closure in person we go in with expectations of getting some type of explanation as to why the other party hurt us, but all the meeting will do is rehash hurt feelings instead of closing the page in ones life. In order to move on with your life you have to acknowledge/accept your experience with the person and close the chapter. Otherwise, one will continue making the same mistake with other people, or even worse, not be open to subsequent (healthy) relationships in the future just because of the baggage this has left in your mind and heart. C* The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer
|