She thought I was distant now she wants to hurt me.We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions. Original Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Male Hi!For the last couple of months I've been living hell.My fiancé asked me,all of a sudden,for "some air",since she "was scared and anxious...".We got engaged four months ago,but since September I've notice she withdrew from me and we were not very communicative.So,two months ago she asked me to understand her and give her some space... I was scared at the beginning,of the fear of losing her.Then I calmed down and waited.We used to be together during the week ends,since my work was 80 miles away. During all this time I tried to get in touch with her,called her many times but she wouldn't answer the phone. One day I went over to her place and talked for a little bit.She started to cry and said that "I never call and I don't know how she feels..." and she gave me a package,which,I found when I got home,was the ring I gave her on our engagement.I called her back and asked why did she do that and she said it's only temporary,until our lives will be less complicated... Since then I couldn't get a hold of her and I only saw her on our anniversary,two weeks ago after I begged her to see me and talk.She came over and she was very distant and defensive and she said "she gave up on us" and she moved on and also she is seeing somebody else.The reason was me not being affectionate enough and not verbalizing my affection. I've been hurt pretty bad before and it wasn't easy for my to verbalize my affection,even though I was in love with her from the beginning.She is everything I wanted,she did so many things for me and we were doing so wonderful...But apparently not that wonderful... I know she's been hurt.She's very romantic and need this kind of assurance and unfortunately I realized that a little to late. Please help me get her back.I know she need some time.But the longer we are apart,the worse will be for us.Though,I don't want to be pushy.I know she has strong feelings for me,but since she thought I was distant now she wants to hurt me. I'll be grateful if you could give me some advice since I want her back desperately.PLEASE HELP. Thank you so much for your time. User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Male She's a flake You got it bad man, there's no doubt. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I don't see any way back for you. I went through a heartwrenching breakup last year, but what got me through it was my ability to look at it for what really happened, and the few people I did seek advice from giving it to me straight. Consequently, I'm not pulling any punches either. I guarantee you the real reason wasn't that you weren't affectionate; women never tell you the real reason why, but it's probably a lot closer to this: you thought she loved you more than she did. Hey, it happens. I've been there. If there's one thing women need to fall in love with a man, it's respect. She needs to know you have a backbone, and if you've been doing what your blog says, then she probably thinks you don't have much of one. So this girl absolutely flaked out on you, and you want her more? Do you really want a girl who flakes out on you like that? I know it's impossible for you to do right now, but as time passes you'll be able to see her for what she really is, an imperfect human being. Any girl you're willing to make that kind of commitment to, who decides she wants something else, DOESN'T DESERVE YOU. Sorry, but if you two are to have a future, she has to want it too. And if she gave your ring back, she clearly doesn't. This isn't the end of the world. You should accept it, get over it, and move onto the next great woman who comes along in your life. Trust me, there are plenty. Fire off an e-mail to this girl, telling her that you want her to stay away from you and not to contact you again. Then retrench yourself in your own life, interests, and friends. (This will probably do more to make her notice you than anything you've tried so far.) This girl sounds like trouble if she accepts marriage proposals, flakes out and doesn't even have the class to tell you to your face. You don't deserve that, and you don't need the aggravation. So cut her out and live for you. Remember, we're all in this together. The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer
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