Married BoyfriendWe often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions. Original Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female My married boyfriend came to me two years ago after years of being unhappily married to the mother of his young son. At the time I just thought he wanted a friendship as I was a week away from moving cross country when he first showed interest. Over time our relationship grew through emails and phone conversations, and when we finally decided to meet again it was practically full on love. Since then he decided that he did want out of his marriage and asked me to move back to where he was, which I did eagerly. I was being told that things were underway with him getting a separation from his wife. It was a very difficult and painful year once I moved back, having to accept that he was not with me on most nights but at home. I had tremendous difficulty being patient with their (slow to me) momentum towards a separation and made it clear from the start how unhappy it made me that we could not be together in the way we both wished. As it turns out I recently found out from him that he lied to me for those two years about his relationship w/ his wife. The truth was that he never felt ready to leave his home b/c he feared losing his son in any way and also wasn't prepared to create a lot of tension in his life (he was finishing a very stressful job). So instead of being up front with me from the beginning he lied to me, with the intention of being ready at some time later to separate, but did not want to risk losing me if I said I could not wait for him (which I know I would've moved on if he had told me so). We love eachother tremendously and I could not break things off with him b/c of this love. So now he has sworn honesty and that he's giving 110% to getting out this summer as he covertly planned (he knew his son would be away at the grandparents all summer so he could work on talking to his wife and thus finally do what he wished to do). My biggest problem now of course is trust. I do feel confident that he does want a divorce regardless of me and that he loves me deeply. I just can't help but worry that he could straight faced lie to me again one day whether it's something big or small. We're taking a break until he has actually moved out and initiated the separation b/c we have been in a vicious cycle of me attacking him and he fearing me, thus our relationship has suffered. I have so much pain and confusion now that I just don't know what to think about us. I love him and do want to see him a "free" man so we can have a future but what about all that's been done? If he successfully gets out and we are together should I just move on from what has happened these last two years and hope we never face dishonesty again? Is trusting someone after such an assault a leap of faith? I think we came together at the worst times on his part and that hopefully once he's accepted his new life as a divorced father we will have no reasons to even think about lying. I do understand why he lied to me even though I do not condone it; if it were me in his shoes I would very possibly have done the same thing just to ensure we would not lose eachother until I was ready. But how do people move on successfully?! User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Female Home wrecker This just happened to my sister-sounds very familiar so much it scared me. Except my sister is the wife-this woman is kidding herself if she thinks this man going to stay with her. He is showing his true colors-a liar-a cheat-and she probably is the one being used. The wife and child are going to be the ones to suffer- and have to live with this sorry excuse for a husband/father. My brother in law has had a girlfriend for the past year (probably more) and just got caught. He played the happy husband the whole time my sister had no idea-and lied to the girlfriend the whole time. He has since left the girlfriend (so he says) and is working things out with my sister. My advice to this woman is to move on-and beware-she knowingly went out with a married man and helped cause severe pain to an innocent family. I hope she never has to feel the pain that she has caused. She is what we married women call a HOME-WRECKER. The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer
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