the break upWe often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions. Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me. I cried and cried that I did not want this but all he said was that I said I would change before and I didnt. He told me that we needed time apart and to give him some time to focus and catch up on his life. He has many problems going on for him right now. I have always known this and have done nothing but help and stay by his side. My family accepted him (this was not easy). He is very busy with school, work, he is the editor in cheif of his college newspaper and he has ME. I admit that I saw and felt that he was pulling away from me. I was not longer what he thought of. I became a chore and a distraction. That is what he told me when we broke up. I became the jealous girlfriend, calling and getting mad because he couldnt answer the cell phone, or because he still wasnt home...Its my fault for pushing him so far. He became so angry with me that it pushed him to break everything off! At first..He was the one who got me used to the calling to say good morning..goodnight...and just everything! It seems as if he forgot that part! Even questions seemed hard and like a chore for him to answer. Now we are not together. He said he doesnt feel the same and we should be friends then possibly try dating again. I cant see how that could even work with us. There were too much feelings there for that crap. He told me that he had no time for a relationship and a girlfriend! I feel that this is so unfair! He hasnt called in 3 days! I called him and he acted cold and told me he had to go to bed. He didnt even want me to tell my family that we broke up! My family is like his family! I miss him and I dont know how to possibly go about this! Everyone is telling me to NOT CALL HIM! but i feel that I just cant leave things like this. Should I give him time? believe it or not in the little time that we have been apart I learned that you cannot depend on anyone to make you happy. Before I would sit at home and call him and call and call and made him know that I was miserable at home! I was not focused either. When he was doing something he would not call at all! Before he always would. I think that he got so sick of the fights about not calling and my jealousy that I drove him away! Please tell me what I should do. I tried telling him things would change. He told me that this is not all my fault! He doesnt have the time to give me that I deserve. He said that even in the good times I am a distraction!!! Please help and adviseme the best you can. I appreciate it so much! User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female Help him be successful You should be ashamed of yourself! It seems like all you are doing is taking from his life. Not giving to it. As his girlfriend you should be assisting in making his life better, not worse. I was the Editor in Cheif of my college newspaper and it is no easy task! Of corse he doesn't have time for you. But see it isn't about YOU now, its about him. He is trying to get somewhere in life and in this Editor roll, if he succeeds, he will get somewhere in life. You need to step back and be his friend. Don't be demanding of his time because he had none. its not like he is spending all his time with his friends. He is working to better himself and you should support him. Do things like cook him diner and bring it down to the newpaper. Then LEAVE and let him work. Limit your calls to once a week when you know he is not working. And you talk about how you ask him questions and it takes him forever to answer them, well he is a GUY. He is not a woman and he is very different from you. It takes a lot more effort for him to answer your hard questions. its best to stick with yes no questions when talking about tuff issues with your boyfriend. I have learned this is the only way to get anywhere. And don't ask him a yes no question and then ask him WHY he said yes or no. Stick with yes and no questions. Also you need to understand that men are very one-task minded. Just because you call him when you are doing something else doesn't mean he is capable of doing that. I dated a guy once who couldn't talk and drive at the same time. When I was in the car I new not to talk about anything that involves a lot of thought because he would run red lights! above all you need to get a life. Suport this guy and he will make you a success. Trust me, he will be a success and in the end it will be about YOU profiting from his success. Start being his friend and not his enemy. I hope you listen. The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer
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