Confused, Hurt,We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions. Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female Hi. I have been in a long term relationship with my bf for over 5 years now, we have been through so much, and i have been there for him when his uncle passed away of cancer, when his grandmother got sick with Hepatitis C , when his other grandmother passed away and when his mother went through Breast Cancer(she is a survivor!). I thought everything was going great. He was acting strange the past couple of days, not wanting to talk to me, see me, kiss me or anything. Then lastnight he called me and started telling me that he wants to experience other things, maybe dating other girls, and he wants time to think about his feelings for me, he tells me he loves me and cares about me alot, he just wants to make sure that I am the one for him. He also mentioned that we have gotten into a routine (and I feel that it is my fault that we have gotten into a routine)I have tried to convince him to go out and do other things such as going downtown to a bar, go bowling or anything, but he is never in the mood!), doing the same thing every Friday or the odd Saturday that we see eachother(we only see eachother once or twice a week.) He says that he needs space, but I have given him and still give him all kinds of space, he hangs out with his friends when he wants to, I let him do anything he wants, which is why i am so confused as to why he needs space and time to think about his feelings for me... I met him when I was 17 and he was 18.., I am now 22 and he is 23, he says that we have known eachother for so long, that we only know eachother.. and not anyone or anything else?!?!?! I am so sorry I know this is long, but I don't really have anyone to talk to or seek advice. He also said that he still loves me, and that he doesnt wanna break up.. just a little break for a couple of days,which is fine with me, but still very upsetting to me. He says that i am still his girlfriend?!?! but wants a break to make sure that i am the one for him, he thinks that the next step in our relationship is Marriage..cause we have been together for so long... but the issue is, he still lives at home has a crappy job.. no money saved, so do i , but for good reasons(i am helping my mom raise my step-nephew and being her support for her screwed up relationship with my stepdad)... I wanna move out with him and marry him..but this takes time.. you know. to become financially stable, and for me to deal with my family issues before moving out and moving on with my future. I have explained all this to him, he understands.. but to me it seems like he wants to get everything started right away..He also mentioned that he would wanna be friends.. which I dont know if I should, it would be so hard to see him with someone else, or him talking about another girl.. well i have to stop now.. but there is so much more!! I wanna wait for him, even if it takes a couple days or months or years.. I love him so much and i can not see myself with anyone else, he is such an amazing guy and I really dont wanna lose him! I cant stop crying or thinking about him. should I keep my hopes up that he will wanna be with me forever?? Thank you :) User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Female Respect yourself I think that you take too much responsibility on yourself for taking care of other people...you are helping your mother with her job of rising the nephew (SHOULDN'T A MOTHER HELP A DOUGHTER WITH LIFE-AND NOT VICE VERSA?)you are helping your boyfriend with his family events (HE ISN'T HELPING YOU RIGHT NOW -IS HE?)... Sometimes we find partners who remind us to our parents-and we continue to relate to them in the same way;Far too often we find people who hurt us and mistreat us the same way as an emotionally-disfunctional or a needy parent did...You seem to be helping,helping,helping-your mother-and when you have a break from her-you go on helping,helping,helping your little boyfriend as well; Helping is nice but when it is out of balance -via receiving-we have a symbol for an inner sense of worthlessness- I think that you have low self esteem and that you do not feel worthy of love UNLESS you take care of others;You might always find needy people who would suck you out dry-who would use all your energy- and who would not give the care and the love back to you when you need it-just like this event with your boyfriend; You are a lovely girl,I can tell-but you are worthy of all the best JUST BY BEING YOURSELF-and not by what you do to prove yourself worthy to anyone else. Who is taking emotional care of you? I feel sorry that you are in that situation and that your immature boyfriend wants to 'explore' the world (does he have someone else in mind?)-and I wish you all the best-whatever it is for you; However-his behaviour is selfish and immature-and you need to learn to respect and value yourself-and after this is done think about whom to be with- My advice to you is to find out that part in you that really needs help-and help it and embrace it...You are the one who really needs your help (!)so find the value inside yuourself ...and to forget the boy as well; Sorry if I am wrong-but I got a feeling that you have been used a little; A; The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer
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