do you think i did enough? she asked me today what i gonna do tomorrow and i told her i am going for dinner with another girl (the girl i met few months back she likes me and she have been try to hug out with me for few months now, yesterday i met her and she ask me to visit her place so she can make dinner for me). than she start to say maybe we should invite her for dinner in our place too. she was jealous about that, thats why she told me we should invite her to our home when she come back next week or so.
oh one more thing i forgot to say, I have decided move to USA or Japan.(which i always wanted to do that but the only hold me back was her), so last time when i was in her mums place i told her that i want move to the USA or Japan and i also told her that i gonna sell all my stuff. but she wasnt happy about it, she ask me to wait until she know what she want. yesterday i told her again that i will start to sell my stuff, she start get sad and asked me can you please wait for sometimes, she said to me 'if i decided to stay with you than we have to buy everything again, so please wait'.
the reason I want to move is becoz now i have nothing to hold me back, and than i also want have new start with my life. but right now she still try to hold me back.
she said to me that she was very happy that i went to visit her and took care of her. and also said that she is very happy that i start to show my emotions. she say that last two years i never show any emotions. ( but she dont understand why i dont show my emotions to other people, I had a hard life before and i dont want people to know that, everything think i am a happy person but no one knows that my heart is crying and bleeding for last 20 years or so. my parents got killed when i was 2 years old. than the govt put me in Jail when i was 14 years old and i spent 3 years horrified time in prison, thats why i always try to hid my feels and emotions). anyway what she said is that I should show my emotions to her.and if I am sad i can cry in front, but the problem is i haven't cry since when i was 10 years old. no matter what ever happens i never cry becoz i know cry wont change a thing. but she thing i should. becoz she said that if i love her i shouldnt be shamed......
anyway i am sorry to tell you all my problems. i think i just need someone to talk.
well do you think i am doing the right thing now? i mean going to another girls place for dinner? and try to give up and move on? maybe she got too much love from me and she think no matter whatever she do i will keep love her and have her back. i dont know. maybe i shouldnt keep try since day one.
PS I forgot to say is that I think that guy give my phone number to one of the Embassy (that govt always threaten me thats why i have been changing my phone number all the times).i have changed my phone number 2 months back. theres no way that they will get my number this fast. but the problem is they got my number now and start treating me again. i havent get any threat from that govt for sometimes now but since the few days that guy write stupid sms to me and now i get threat from that govt again.
Last edited by The Looser?; 08/12/08 04:37 PM.
