I didnt know that i am acting like friend, to be Honest I just try to make thing easy for her thats all. ofcoz she ask me if i minded or not but no matter what i say she will go to him anyway so i dont think its needed to say anything, but I did told her so many times that I am very Jealous when ever she go to met him. sometimes when she stay home in her mum's place than say say are you happy now that I am not with him? and i told her that i am very happy, and than she start to say see I am a good girlfriend! maybe the only thing i didnt tell her is that her action hurting me more and more and she keep hurting me.
today she got angry with me again, becoz i start smoke ( I have stop smoke about 5 years back but these few days lots of thing happened but relation and politically. thats why i start smoke again, ( she SMS me and asked me what i am doing and i told her that I am having a beer and smoke than she called me back with 5 seconds or so and start ask me stop smoke right away). than i just told her i will stop but not today coz i am feel lonely and my mind is not working so i need some smoke. than i can feel that she is angry with me. anyhow she is angry with me again.
i dont know how many times i have told her that i not happy it make me sad that my girlfriend is sleep with another man. but i dont think she cares about that. sorry if i am wrong. I do get angry with her when ever she say she is going to met that guy but i never ask her to stop, becoz i feel thats her life and she should do whatever makes her feel happy.
the reason i say to her that we can take a break is becoz i dont want lose her, ( she want break up with me) i thought take a break could save our relationship. about show my feels i know i am bad with it but i am doing my best to show her how much i love her and how much i care about her, or maybe i am just show my love to her in wrong way, I dont know. i am not used to show my emotions and feels to anyone. so its kind of hard for me to know the right way to show. most times I show her i love her and care about her by action. maybe you are right that I am acting like friend than lover. my problem is i really dont want give hard time to others and i really dont want hurt any one. I am a kind of person that want others to be happy. well she always complain that i always think about others and dont think about myself that much. so maybe thats the another problem.
maybe i am wrong just try to understanding, I mean dont like to give orders special to the one I love. if i tell her that she cant do it anymore and she have to make up her mind it sounds like i am given order to her. well maybe i should give a try as you say what i gonna lose right.
I feel that she still cares about me and she still loves me but the way she is acting it different. she get jealous, she got angry becoz i start smoke again.she call me few times a days just to tell me she loves me. but what she doing is total different. thats why I am lost and dont know what to do.
Last time before i went to visit her, she have told her sister that two of us broke up, but when i was there she keep say we stick with take a break. and until now she keep say i got a good boyfriend and i am a good girlfried..... nor i know what my boyfriend want..... she never stop say my boyfriend this my boyfriend that...
about the move on decisions i made I dont know if that gonna make me happy or not, I just feel that i should keep move on becoz i really dont want keep getting hurt.
about the dinner with other girl tomorrow, i called her and told her that i cant come becoz i felt that I cant do that. I mean she seems dont mind and she also told me i can go to the dinner with that lady but i don't think she real want that.