I too suffer from depression and have since my early teenage years. My mother is bipolar and both of my sisters also suffer from it at varying degrees. My grandmother and great grandmother also suffered from it,to the extent of electric shock therapy. I worry so much about my daughters. I have always been very open with them about my depression. I want them to understand what it is so hopefully thier lives will be easier.
I totally understand the worries that come from this and children. My depression worsened after having children. If it wasnt for my husband I just couldnt have made it through it. The thoughts of hurting my children never entered my mind, but there were many times my own life was at risk. Now that my children are older(19, 15, and 13)I can focus on myself a little more so things have gotten easier. But those early years were difficult to say the least. I was greatful that I breast fed, because if I would have had to get up to get I bottle I dont know how I would have managed. There were times my husband took weeks off from work to watch me.
If you explain your fears to your doctor maybe they can help you. Also you are still very young. I have been where you are now. It does get better and easier. Its just a long road. I love my children and never regretted my choice to have them, no matter how hard times got. But I had to make the decision not to have anymore kids. It wasnt healthy for me and it would have been so unfare to my husband and other children. My depression got worse after each child and I really dont think I could have mentally handled baby number 4. I dont doubt my husband would have been raising the kids alone. But it still bothers me at times when I see babies or a pregnant woman. My niece just had a baby a few days ago and that was hard for me. But I know I made the right decision. And that is what you have to do. Do what is right for you. And everything will work out.
