too much bagage

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over two years. He was 16 at the time and i was turning 14. I met him through his ex, which makes a huge problem right there because she hated me at the time for "taking him". The day we started dating he was flirting with girls. TONS of girls. at school mostly. then during the winter he works at a snowboarding place where he cheated/flirted with people there too. He never told me about the cheating until months aftr. He said it was only once when in reality it happened atleast 6 times(which came out a few months ago). The flirting he did went on for atleast a year. He also lied about people dying in his family and other stupid things for attention(pathological liar?) He got naked pictures as well months after we started dating. There have been little problems since the time he stopped flirting like him talking to girls because we were fighting. This summer he met a girl and i just found out two days ago he got her number which didnt make me happy at all. I dont know how to feel and if I should believe him. He always says he will stop hurting me and lying but he needs a therapist which i cant make him go to. This im sure sounds like everyone elses problem but we had a baby together and put her up for adoption which put a lot more stress on us. I feel like our child is one reason I want to try and make things work because no one understands. What should I/we do? Advice
This boy needs more time to grow up. He's not a rotten person, probably, but he is truly a rotten boyfriend. You are right, this is a lot of baggage for young people to know how to cope with. And as you said, you can't force him to get therapy.

Can you find a therapist for yourself, to help you grieve over the loss of putting your child up for adoption? That is a serious thing and I imagine will be hard for you to move on from.

Please move on from this guy. Enjoy being you - hang out with friends and pursue hobbies or sports - whatever makes you glow inside. Work on processing your hurt and grief. When you are ready, find a guy who is ready to be a good, honest, committed boyfriend.

-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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