You've opened up and said what's bothering you. That's good!
Now, as to what to do, I'm thinking that counseling for you may be in order. But I'm also thinking that you may need protection.
Is there someone you can talk to? A pastor? A family member who is non-judgmental and listens and can perhaps help steer you to someone who can help?
If nothing else, I want you to know that I care, and will be praying for you.
As for what the dreams mean, I suspect - as I think you do - that there are unresolved fears and tensions. And I think that any of us would feel the same.
As for things you've learned, and would rather that you hadn't - at least not yet, I can well empathize. My childhood, and young adulthood - and even adulthood - are cram full of things like that.
To the good, though, you will always be able to understand and help others. The circumstances and events don't even have to be the same. Just that life can be hard and scary and lonely..., and yet one can persevere and somehow stay open in one's heart for love and to be able to love. It just takes a little encouragement, I think - from others (and God).
I'm on your side.
