Yes, Jo, I have found it difficult to respond to this one.
I feel, Dagny, that you may be over-analyzing, instead of just enjoying your relationship, but, as Jo implies, the reason that you are over-analyzing might be because something isn't quite right.
I met my husband when I was 18. Our first date was in January 1975. We are still happily together. I tend to over-analyze a lot, myself, but I just knew that we were right for each other. My friend got married just after us and she said that as soon as she met her husband she felt that she had known him forever. That's how I felt, too.
The thing is, without knowing you & him & the relationship, it's difficult to say, but I do wonder if he might be a bit possessive, if he wants your attention all the time. Long-term this could change as he becomes less besotted and more realistic, but, alternatively, it could become a real problem.
Everyone has good and bad days. Everyone can be harsh if they are going through a rough time.
You say:
he's been a bit more harsh
he sometimes criticizes me ... boring, and so on
he says things that hurt me
he thinks I might be bipolar
he also doesn't like me being grumpy
So what is his problem?
He's explained that saying things he doesn't mean is a habit of his
it really upsets me at times
I sometimes feel like I say sorry and the pattern of behavior is repeated!
Since you are analyzing anyway, think about these questions:
Is he 'harsh' or is he 'mushy'?
Is he just being a normal person who has good days & bad days, or is this going beyond what you consider acceptable?
Why are
you apologising when
he is being harsh?
Or is it a two-way thing?
Does he expect you to respond to him as he wants you to, and only as he wants you to ~ or do you expect him to respond to you as you want him to, and only as you want him to?
How might he describe you & the relationship.
Is this normal in a relationship or is he just a bad boyfriend?
If you need to ask this sort of question, I'm not sure that you are ready for embarking on a life-long settled relationship like marriage.
In my opinion, if you even think that he might be 'bad', you shouldn't be making commitments to him. He may be fantastic or he may not, but you don't sound ready for this. However, that is just my opinion, and it may just be a case of nerves on your behalf. If you could calm down, stop reading about love. and just get on with living your own life & loving your own man, then all may be well.
I know that I don't it when he gets harsh either so I might be hypocritical there...
Please could you explain this?
You say:
I'm in a very confusing relationship
Loving relationships should not be confusing.
May I suggest relationship counselling.
Something isn't quite right here, Dagny. I'm not sure if it concerns him or you, but I think that you need help ~ otherwise you wouldn't be seeking help on this forum and in books.
In my opinion, looking for answers in books isn't the best way in this situation. I'm not against books. I'm not saying that you shouldn't read up on this, but I do think that you need more 'real' input.
Good luck!
