Dagny, I just read all of your's and PDM's posts and It is all the more clear to me what may be going on in your relationship. It is obvious that you were attracted to this man and that he has displayed some very good future husband qualities. It also seems possible that he did the majority of the communicating. I don't know when you got engaged but it seems possible that you thought it was a good idea at the time given what you knew about him and now have misgivings based on his overwhelming attention and displays of affection and his negative communication skills. I don't get the impression that you have any real experience in the emotional area to know if you are "IN LOVE" or simply love him. There is a subtle difference and may account for why you both seem to be on a different emotional level. I believe that although you may be a less demonstrative person that if you were really "IN LOVE" you would be a little closer to his level. Perhaps he is so overwhelming in his attentions because he senses this and tries to overcompensate. This much I will say; it is obvious that you both have not had the right kind of communication where you talk about the differences and resolve the communication problems quietly. I have already gone into that, and I feel even more sure it is needed. Additionally, and this is the most important thing I am getting from all of your comments, you got engaged before these recent developments in your relationship and you don't know how to slow it down without loosing him. Consequently, you are constantly stressing about whether it is ment to be and if you are going to hurt each other and are second guessing your decision to be engaged. Now, is the time to admit that things have changed and simply talk about it and remove the stress and step up to the decision. This is not going to be the most complicated decision of your life. It is only the beginning of many to come. The more you wait, the harder it will be. The more you wait, the more burned out on the fighting you will get. If you both are "in love" with each other, rethinking the engagement and just dating for now will not destroy the relationship. You are not the first couple to get the cart before the horse. Instead of thinking about how to change him and he you, you both should be rejoycing in the time you share together. That isn't happening here like it should be. Nothing is going to magically make it different or make it right except you both "communicating" honestly, no matter how much it hurts. It will only hurt more later. If it is meant to be nothing I am talking about will change it. You are right, by the way, there is nothing wrong with reading and questioning about an important decision like this. I believe that PDM and I are seeing the same thing. You are engaged to someone and you have an overwhelming amount of questions that remain unanswered and they are very basic questions. If you are planning the rest of your life with him, you should have had those questions answered and you are the only one that can take the initiative to find out. If being engaged is causing more stress on the relationship with him then you, again, are the only one who can take the ititiative to change that. There are no easy fixes here. Life if messy. It can get messier though, if you avoid the obvious and inevitable. Look within yourself and not without and I believe you will make the right decision for yourself and him.
