If he does turn out to be abusive that would not be good for me or any children we have. But yeah I understand why you say I would also have problems if he was not abusive but I lived with him seeing him as though he was.
I'm not sure why I seem to contradict myself, he is overall a great guy but I guess I just realized he has a few flaws and now I wonder if they are a serious problem or if they are minor and normal in relationships (just saying critical things, saying something you don't mean but wasn't very nice and so on) If that is normal behavior then if I could find a way to lessen him from doing that or better ways of dealing with that I'd probably be happier.
He has told me that he says things without thinking and he doesn't mean them. But its not like he's going to come out and tell me that he is an abusive boyfriend or anything. And he has said on many occasions after he has said something that he didn't mean that he is a bad boyfriend, a jerk and so on...so I think that is where I got that wording.
I'm not sure if he is a bad boyfriend and I tell him that he is not. It just seems that he keeps repeating the habit, however he is not abusive in other ways, like he does take responsibility for having said or done something so he does take the blame and never blames me for it
I do plan to talk to him as to how he thinks we could get him to stop saying hurtful things so often...like maybe a codeword or hand signal I could give him if he said something and so he knows I don't think that is appropriate?
He is actually going on vacation with his family soon, so communication will be nonexistent for a while...maybe that will give us time to relax, take a break and come back to the relationship with a clearer perspective?
