$50/session might seem like a lot, but for the outcome it was far cheaper than not figuring out what the problems were, losing him, my life with him, our future children, all the bumps and ups and downs in the road we'd encounter, etc... that and all the costs associated with divorce. I'm not saying I'm against divorce, but I am against just "giving up" because it's "easier than working at it." I think you have to try to work through things and figure out how to make things work first before saying lets just end this. I'm definitely not saying that's what you're doing or what other people have done that have gotten a divorce, I'm just saying it because of my own experience with my husband. I say this because I initially thought when I separated from my husband that it'd just be easier to give up and move on, but then seeing my grandfather at my grandmother's funeral made me think about the commitment we made to one another; the commitment to stick together through thick and thin, etc. My grandparents marriage wasn't perfect by any means, but they loved one another for who they were regardless of one another's "flaws," if you want to call it that - I like to refer to that as "character."
Counseling helped my husband and I greatly even though in the beginning he was digging his heels in the ground - to him, he saw counseling as "giving up" and admitting our marriage wasn't "perfect" when in reality there's never really a marriage that can be defined as "perfect." We found that the counseling really helped and after I moved back in we both agreed that continuing the counseling was a good idea - we aren't going to go as frequently as before, but every couple of months didn't seem like a bad idea and to be honest is worth the money. Individual counseling to me is also worth it, but I definitely agree you have to find the right one - I've gone through several and have finally found the right one - it took years but was worth it and is still worth it; every time I go I leave feeling better, even if I wasn't necessarily down to begin with.
If you can't afford counseling, at least consider getting some books. I bought some in addition to doing the marriage counseling and some of them helped, some of them didn't, but they all got me thinking... I've listed them below.
1. "Contemplating Divorce : A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go" by Susan Pease Gadoua
2. "Marry Him : The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough" by Lori Gottlieb
3. "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus : The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex" by John Gray - making the husband read this one too - it's on his assigned reading because I felt like it was so helpful!!
4. "Finding Self Finding Love" by David Robert Ord
There's another one that I've got at home, but I can't remember the title of it - I'll have to give that to you later. Try out the books, maybe get some different ones - I was just looking through them online and it looks like they've got ones on there that help out in dealing with differences in religion - they might be helpful.
I understand the way your feeling - that feeling of "single." It's great to feel like you're getting noticed and seen by other men - my thought though, after going through it, is that you never weren't getting noticed or seen by other men... you probably just weren't looking for it.
Another suggestion: Hold off on the intimacy for a while - work on the relationship first. It's not going to feel right unless you guys are right and with things on the rocks you need to work through that "mess" first before you start adding this other stuff in there because when it leaves you feeling the way you described that's just going to add to the "mess."
It's great that you stopped smoking, but not so great that you started drinking - not the best way to deal with things - and believe me on that - I speak from experience there as well... I started drinking more when I lost my job last year - didn't help.
Don't give up - it hasn't been that long since you guys separated - it took me almost 5 months to work through things and they're still not perfect, but we work on them and continue to work on them. Feel free to ask me any questions you want - I'm only here to help!!
