I did make up my mind about Steve and us. Counseling is more for my, and our, sanity. Although I do have my mind made up, it doesn't mean it's easy. It doesn't mean there are days I break down and don't know or can't be sure. I've realized I'm holding on to Steve for all the wrong reasons (I'm lonely, don't want to lose memories, etc) but I still can't shake it some days.
That and I want to make sure I'm okay. Like I said, I have no support systems anymore. If anything, it'll be good to get stuff out of my head and have someone else evaluate it and see if I'm being irrational or if there's some method to my madness. Part of me is awfully frightened that I'm just having a mental break down. I've had a lot of stresses in my life, it's scary. This marriage and my changes seem to be a very large straw that could very easily break this camel's back.
Yes, Steve and I are seeing my friend's parents together. We're all having dinner together, and talking by the fireplace at their lake house. Nice relaxing setting.
And... yeah.. FML. Another stressor and sign that if there is a God, He surely hates me or wants to see me have a break down - my car broke down and is most likely done for. Meaning I'm not going to Israel, and meaning I'm going to be having Hell for quite a while. Good part is I'll have the money I was going to spend on Israel to get myself a new car and have more financial security, bad news is I miss out on the trip (this year... always next I guess).
