Your account of how it happened and who started the downhill spiril of everything is probably accurate. Perhaps she didn't have sexual abuse by a relative but she has suffered sexual abuse non the less. She was not prepared for a sexual relationship at that young age and probably was pressured into it at first. She probably suffers from all of the same guilt issues as well as betrayal. She is acting out classical self hate behavior. I also don't know what provoked the hate of her mother at one point, but sometimes this occurs because a stepfather does something inappropriate. She wouldn't necessarily tell you. She may feel that telling would destroy the one shred of pride she has left. She might fear that you would think she was awful. She has been abondoned by everyone in her eyes. Yes, you were probably her life line out for a while. I think it sounds like the ex boyfriend came back and reminded her just how much control he still has over her feelings and self esteem. I don't know if she is running away from you as much as she is just running. Running so she doesn't have to stop and feel anything. I think you said she knows he is bad for her. I think he has a deep hold on her. It sounds like she gave him everything in her heart and he destroyed it. We are still back at the core issue. You are not equipped to help that damaged ego and inner self heal itself. She needs to see that the pain she feels will and can go away. She needs to understand that she is worthy of love and that she can love herself again. She needs the love of her mother and she needs to know that she can have that again. It isn't the love from other people that is going to really heal her. She has to learn to love herself again. However it started, it is what it is. The damage has been done and it needs to be undone. I think you are right that she has to see that he is the root of it all. I think she is beginning to see but will need a professional to validate the reality of those truths. She also has to forgive herself. Validation is the process in therapy where the therapist tells her that she is right to feel betrayed,angry and hurt.That her ex was wrong to have pressured her at such a young age. She needs to know she is a good person despite friends leaving.She needs to know that the opinion of angry friends does not make her a bad person. She needs to learn to love herself again and forgive her mother. If she works on realizing these things she needs to know that she will love herself again. It is something that a trained professional knows how to walk her through. She comes to realize it herself. She comes to believe it because a respected unbiased professional says, you're not alone and you are right to feel this way. It becomes believable because a therapist has no agenda. He has no reason to lie or tell her something she wants to hear. Loved ones or friends don't really have that much power simply because they would seem biased in her eyes. You only have the power to encourage her to seek help and be her friend and let her know you will be there for her as a friend. Doesn't it seem funny that the minute that you wanted something from her that she started running. Be the friend for now. All great loves started as great friendships.
