At this moment in time, I've been tied up, cut up and sewn loosely back together... so I don't really know how I feel. Sometimes I'm deeply in love, and then I break out crying. Then I'm totally calm, and the next minute I want to take my blade and hurt someone. The problem is that somtimes the most small thing can trigger a different response in me.
When I love someone, it's difficult for me NOT to feel positive towards them. The probelm is that I'm scared his love for her will outgrow mine. He said he had a dream about them getting married. And to put it straight, I got dam ticked off. I mean, how else am I ought to feel?
I try and concentrate on positive things. I love art and writing, and that's what I do when I feel emotionally frustrated or confused. At this moment I'm working on a card for him for our anniversary tomorrow. But I don't know if he will like it. On the card is an animated picture of me wearing a black and red dress (similar to what I will wear to my matric ball) and creating a heart with my hands. But... I don't know. He'll probably just laugh at it and throw it away... So should I give it to him?
Positive music doesn't work on me. I often drown myself in rock, all kinds of metal, punk and trance. Sometimes the aim of me listening to trance is to put me into a trance. It does at times and makes me feel a bit better.
As far as growing plants go, I can't do that. I don't have a garden with the riht soil and have no money to get the correct things.
