RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Dating Which tempation do I give in to?

I just read your post, and most of the posts after the fact. Being a teenager really sucks, especially one under 18.

I was in a relationship from 14-17 (it lasted for a couple months short of 3 years). As a teenager that was pretty much an ugly duckling, finally getting a boyfriend was like winning the lottery for me. I can't relate to the extent of abuse it sounds like you have recieved in the past from people you trusted. I am terribly sorry that happened. Anyway, I understand why it makes you angry when people say things like "abuse" when it comes to your boyfriend. I am not going to say that though. The reason is, while I was with this guy ( I loved him more than life itself ) EVERYBODY, and I mean my whole xxxxxxx school and parents were all saying the same xxxxxx stupid thing that this guy was abusing me. Let me tell you, I wanted to physically hurt every single person that ever said that to me because it made me SO mad that they were all trying to paint MY love as some evil person. To me, he wasn't. So I understand your rage. At some point (on one thread I tell the longer version of my story but I am hoping to shorten it up for you =D) my parents said "no more talking, hanging out, no more relationship". Yeah, real smart mom and dad, now, I am just going to lie to you about what I do, good choice. I hated it, I lied, I snuck out, snuck him in, I didn't much care. I lost their trust, anand they lost mine. I lost my friends too. I had nobody left but him and myself. Now, my guy was an abuser, and he loved this game of lets break her heart and watch her fall so I can pick her up again. It was great for him, but sucked for me.

I always felt like I had nobody to talk to, not even my own mother, because whenever I mentioned his name, nobody wanted to hear anymore. It made me feel so alone. i remember nights when I would fashion razors out of old used razors I would shave with. I would sit in my room, usually in the dark with my door shut, just crying endlessly, holding the blade to my arm, questioning, whether or not I wanted to do it. Usually I would. It felt better to do that than to cry all the time over a broken heart and soul. I know the feeling of wanting to hurt yourself, it helps me, like others, deal with pain. I haven't done it in quite some time, but let me tell you, there are times when I scare the xxxx out of myself because I want to SO bad.

As others have said before, he did have no right to slap you, but you know that.

I know you don't see the reason to pour yourself out to your social worker, and I never wanted to with anyone either because everyone stopped caring at some point anyways. Do what makes you feel better and leave it at that. As a teenager it is impossible to understand what you are feeling, i know when I was only a couple years younger, I could fly into a rage over some stupid little thing and other times, I just didn't care.

I promise, things get better, eventually. Luckily for me, that guy is out of my life. I know you don't want your boyfriend out of yours, I remember the feeling. My old boyfriend had family troubles too, I mean his family was CRAZY. His stepdad sexually harrassed me the first time I ever went to his house for dinner, and his mom, she just has a lot of life issues that for the sake of her younger kids, I pray she can somehow work out.

Try to stay away from the self harm things, it's hard, I actually got into a fight with my current boyfriend about letting me keep my razors. He saw that one night after a fight I had taken them out, and I carelessly had left them laying out. He wanted to take them, he didn't see why I needed them. I told him that even though I don't use them it makes me feel better to have them in that one place. He hid them on me. I WAS SO STEAMED! he eventually gave them back to me, and since, I haven't moved them. But try to not think about it. (yeah right, i know).

I hope something I said somehow made enough sense to help you a little bit. I know you love your boyfriend. I hope things work out. You're not alone. I'm only 18, and here, you will always have people that care about you, just be careful not to burn bridges with those who try to help you.

Nothing said here is an attack on you, I hope you see it that way.