To everyone:

The thing about this situation is that, while people are trying to be helpful and supportive of Raven, it may come over as us ganging up on her and acting as if we don't trust her judgement.

When one is stressed, it doesn't help if those 'helping' make us feel worse.

I remember when I used to get stressed over my weekend homework. I had to do it. It stressed me out. My Dad would sympathise, and complain that the school shouldn't set so much, and ruin every weekend for me, etc. He was trying to help me and be supportive of me. He was being a kind and caring parent, worried for my health, but it just stressed me more.

Of course, if a husband or boyfriend hits his partner, then he might be an abuser, but I have smacked my kids ~ when they were much smaller than Raven ~ it used to just be 'the done thing'.
I feel guilty, but I don't think that I am an abuser, and neither do my children. I smacked if they were in danger ~ as a deterrant. I smacked when they were naughty ~ as a punishment. I smacked more when I felt frightened or at the end of my tether than at other times.

I am guessing that Raven's boyfriend hit out because he felt stressed, frightened and at the end of his tether, over something he hates and doesn't understand. I cannot condone it, but I may understand it.

If he continues to lash out, whenever his loved ones don't do as he wishes, then, yes, he might be turning into an abuser, but once, in an emotional state, may not constitute this.

Raven is intelligent & used to looking out for herself. Hopefully she can judge when things go too far. If our comments cause her to ignore our advice, then this may do more harm than good.

To Raven:

The people on here are just trying to help.
You brought some worries to the board and people responded according to their experience and their views.
You may be intelligent and strong and mature, but you are still young and vulnerable. You have your own experiences of life, but others have different experiences, which they can bring to the conversation.

Your boyfriend hit you and you feel that you understand why and that this was a product of a specific situation and not evidence that he is turning into an abuser. I hope that you are right. You may well be, but you should be wary.

I am actually more concerned that you said that you deserved to be hit, than that he hit you. You did not deserve it.

Now, Raven, you can take from here the advice and experiences of others, or you can reject it.
You know yourself and your situation better than anyone.
But if you appear to be feeling stressed and upset, then I would have thought that the social worker would be able to help you.
No-one can force you to speak to her, but she is there to support you.
She is supposed to be on your side ~ do you not see it that way?

You have been doing very well, being positive, so that cutting is becoming a thing of the past.

But read back what you wrote:

'Sometimes I feel so alone, pathetic and unloved that I just want to hurt myself so I can feel some kind of emotion. I fight the temptation, but I don't know how much longer it will be before I snap!'
'Everything that happened in the past three months is really taking its toll on me: physically.'
'I'm always tired and my legs give in under me a lot to the point where I can't walk and (to my dismay) need to be carried. I don't eat and sometimes need to be force-fed.'
'If she dares to try and take him away from me... my ugly side is going to come out. And trust me, you don't want to see me like that because I end up hurting a lot of people... physically.'
'My boyfriend told me that the people at the clinic suggest he go to boarding school ... I don't want him to go away'
'what my boyfriend told me today tore me up inside. He said in a SMS: "Sometimes I dream, sometimes I wish and sometimes I pray to be with [insert girl's name]." How is this supposed to make me feel?! To be honest, I don't know how I feel. Confused might be the proper word. My emotions are mixed: love, depressed, rage.'

Raven, if you had a friend, who told you such things, wouldn't you advise her to get help and support from her social worker?

No-one is attacking you or trying to make you feel bad, we are just concerned for your health and welfare.
Of course, I do understand that the thoughts you are reading here might add to your stress levels.
Sometimes it's good to share and discuss, but no-one can make you do anything. You know that.

Just take care of yourself ~ please smile

Last edited by PDM; 11/20/08 02:38 AM.
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.