Hi MW1, and congratulations on the job!
You and your husband have been through a rough time. This happens in many marriages, especially if there are problems with work and / or money. Stress can be caused by many things: if one has a great job and the other is unhappy at work; if one wants children and the other isn't ready; if they no longer want the same things from life; if either or both feel that they are no longer in love.
I think that, sometimes, people marry too young and then grow up, and apart, but young marriages can also be very close, because of all the shared times. Could you have some kind of reminiscence evening ~ remembering early dates, looking at old photos, etc?
I agree that your husband sounds depressed and I think that your great new job may make him feel worse, but that's not your fault and you had problems through losing your previous job.
Men tend to identify themselves with their work, more than women do, I think, so this could well be a major problem for him.
My husband & I met when we were teenagers; I have been in a horrendous job, he has worked away for weeks on end, so, naturally, there has been stress at times (I was the one who suffered depression), but we have been together, now, for 35 years and we are very happy.
Do consider BLR's questions.
Do you love him & do you want the marriage to work?
Does he?
You say that you don't think that you are, but this sort of negativity can happen when things are difficult. You could come through this and be very happy together.
Certainly, if you are not sure about the marriage and your feelings, then children should not be considered.
How did your husband react to your drinking, by the way?
Do you believe that you can you find a way through this?
Do you want to?
Maybe marriage counselling could help?
Maybe you need a joint action plan.
~ You both work on your marriage.
~ He must see about his depression and possibly look for another job.
~ You agree to travel with your work for so long and then have children, provided the marriage is on a firm footing by then.
Something like that, but which suits your own situation and personalities.
Have a look at John Gray's website. Understanding each other and yourselves could be the first step on the way to improving matters, and Gray's site could help. You may be able to find his books in the library. I thought that they were very good with helping to understand, and communicate with, the opposite sex.
http://home.marsvenus.com/Good luck!
