New developments...

The husband and I have started trying for children. Problem - serious problem. At only 29, they say I'm in the early stages of Premature Menopause. So we've started fertility treatments and I'm trying really hard to stay positive as it's only the beginning (we just saw the doctor on Monday - but just walking away from that meeting we could see how concerned he was). Now he's told me that I need to get in there for shots and tests up the wazoo. Decided I had to tell my boss about this because I'm going to be gone very frequently over the next couple of weeks (this was a good thing because when I walked in his office he immediately asked me if I was leaving for another job - positive out of that - at least he doesn't want me to leave, but work isn't what I live for - family is).

I'm trying really hard to not think about this and worry about it, but all I can think about is how my older sister is in the same position and she can't get pregnant - BUT she has a child already. My heart just sinks to think that I won't be able to have a child of my own - biological, I mean. My husband and I see nothing wrong with adoption and will pursue that if no other options are likely to result in a child - it just.... depresses me.

I'm trying NOT to kick myself while I'm down by saying things like you should have started earlier, why did you have to go through these problems with your husband last year, why why why. Doc said there was nothing I could have done differently to prevent this... we should have started earlier for children, if only we had known. I hate 20/20 hindsight.

I go in tomorrow for instructions on how to give myself shots - and then I'm supposed to start said shots on day 3. They're doing several other bloodwork tests on day 3 too - I just hope they're not negative, even though I'm pretty sure they won't be 100% positive.

I'm searching really hard to find that inner strength I need to get through this - my husband is there, but I need to pick myself up as well. It's just very hard and other forums I've gone on for information about this haven't been that positive.