ok - new update.
We had another meeting with the counselor yesterday - this was a couples meeting. Started off fine - I told her I had an apartment, that I was getting movers to help me out on Friday to move furniture into the apartment - figure I'll take care of all the little things - trying to reduce the amount of hours they charge me for, etc. Then we got into the Trial Separation agreement: bills, talking, dating, etc.
My husband and I have already figured out the bills - since he'll be at the house he'll take care of water, electricty, gas, television, phone, etc. since he'll be using it. I'll take care of cell phone and gym - but he'll reimburse me for the portions of those bills that are solely related to him. My name is on those two bills so it's just easiest for me to take care of it. I'll also take care of the second mortgage payment - to continue contributing to the equity of the house. Our joint checking account will remain untouched unless repairs need to be made to the house, when we need to pay for the marriage counseling sessions and any other joint expenses (say when we do our "dates"). Glad we have the finance part taken care of.
As for the talking and dating part we said we'd try to do a date a week. Iniated by an email and then a phone call to confirm. We also won't be calling each other during the day - which will be hard for me because whenever I pick up the phone I immediately think about calling him because i've been doing it for so long. So for his birthday I bought him five baseball game tickets (pairs) and I suggested we do that as one of our weekly date ideas - unless he decides to take someone else, in which case the date will move to another night or just not happen that week. We'll see how this works out.
The issue that got us a little riled up was the issue of the house key - I want to hold onto it because I am not taking all of my belongings (i.e. a huge chest full of sweaters). In addition, I might find that I forgot to pack something in the hussle of trying to get everything out of the house this Friday before my little sisters rehearsal at 5PM. Then since I won't be fully moving out on that day - not fully doing it until Sunday - I'm just concerned that I'll forget something. I made it very clear to my husband that I wouldn't be just "stopping by" uninvited to get a few things. I told him that I would call first, leave a message if he wasn't there and then try to set up a time that would be convenient for him for me to stop by to get something. In the case of it being an emergency and he's not there - I would stop by but leave a message/note telling him why I had to come and what I took. I do understand his side of the discussion because he won't have access to my apartment - my own little space - but I would have access to his space. I told him that I was still paying for a portion of the house, so I felt like I should still at least have a key to get in without having to go through hurdles to do so. I also told him that if I had my own key and I asked him if it was alright for me to stop by and grab a few things that he wouldn't have to be there and see me if he didn't want to.
Anyway - that's a discussion we will need to continue with and figure out at some point, which I'm sure we will.
The aggrivation with him being around is still there - take for example last night. We had our meeting from 5 to 6. I went to the gym and got home around 8:15. Fixed my dinner, my husband fixed his as well. Husband said he was going to go to the gym later because he didn't want to be there when I was there. I finish with my dinner around 8:45 or so - he finishes with his around 9:30 - then says he needs to wait at least 45 minutes before going to the gym - why he doesn't go right after work and just not talk to me when we're at the gym, I don't know - said he's going later to leave me alone. Then he decides not to go to the gym and decides he wants to continue hanging out with me watching tv - I get irritated and tell him that I'm starting to get frustrated with him - I think it's the fact that he says he's going to do something, then doesn't do it that irritates me because I was looking for a little time alone. Same thing is hapening tonight - he was supposed to go to a baseball game with his parents and I was supposed to stay at home (thinking to myself, this'll be great - I can start to put some things into boxes earlier rather than trying to get it all done on Friday), then he says he's decided he's not goign to do it anymore.
Is he purposefully doing this to me??????? He's already told me he continues to ask questions about the apartment because he wants to know the information, but also because he knows it irritates me (I feel awkward talking to him about moving out and preparations, etc.). I imagine packing things up will be difficult for me - I've already had a couple of mornings just thinking about the process of packing up and leaving and it leaves me feeling almost depressed but I know moving out is something I need to do - to help find myself and figure out my life and expectations for myself.
So - move out date scheduled for Friday, April 23rd - official body move out date scheduled for Sunday, April 25th. Then I go out of town for work that Monday the 26th. At least that'll give me a week to try and get the rest of my expenses in order (internet and tv are really all i have left - already have power set up because I had to do that when I signed the lease and already have renters insurance because that was required on lease date - need to follow-up with the people about water - trash I take care of myself).
We said we'd take it month-to-month, but I have a feeling it's going to start out first as a two month thing because being away for a month doesn't really seem like enough time to "discover oneself." Counselor suggested keeping a journal to write down thoughts - think this is a good idea and it will start on move-in day. I think this forum has been helping out and acting somewhat as "journal" for me.
Sorry this was so long.
