I agree - it is a very difficult situation. We are being communicative with one another - but at times I wonder if it's even helping the situation. Counseling will be hard because my counselor wasn't available this week and i'm traveling next week, then things pick up at work and with this being a new job it's going to be hard for me to say I can't work. I think a trial separation is a good idea too - but I just don't know how long it should be, if I should get a temporary apartment that's furnished already, etc. I don't want to stay with my parents - that won't give me what I'm looking for and they'll be bugging me the entire time about how things are... That and my little sister is getting married at the end of April, both David and I are in the wedding - so we need to stick that one out. But I'm afraid the longer we stay together in the same house the angrier I get and the more distant we become, regardless of our conversations/discussions. Do we trial separate but put up a good face for everyone else?

I know people grow apart - and I told David that I wasn't sure if I'd grown apart from him or if we were just in a rut - he told me he didn't like that response because it meant either way I wasn't "in love" with him at the moment. He kissed me last night - I didn't feel anything. He says he feels like I'm sleeping further away from him in our bed, but to be honest he's got a body pillow that has always laid between us in bed. I've asked him repeatedly (in the past) to get rid of it or move it to the other side of him, but that hasn't changed. He says he needs it because his thighs stick together, but every time I wake up he's laying on his back and the stupid body pillow is laying next to him untouched.

Re: "What if you leave him and never find someone else?"
I've been thinking about that - and I think I will be happier regardless. That and I keep telling myself there's never just that one person for you - don't believe in the soul mate thing, personally. I also keep thinking that he will find someone that he truly deserves - not someone who feels nothing from being kissed, hugs him just because I know that's what he needs, and other things because he wants it.

It is a fear of being alone? Could be because all I've ever known is time with him - it's been 11 years and we've been through a lot, but I know I've changed. But also a lot of thinking about having to split everything up that we've gotten together - that's going to be quite a task. He doesn't want his bed because he says there are too many memories - and that's just the start.

20s is young to me - not to him. If I weren't married already, I wouldn't settle for someone I wasn't sure of, someone that didn't make me happy. It will be hard in the beginning (if that beginning comes), but I will get through it - I'm lucky to have my family here in town and my friends both in and out of work.

I'm extremely confused. I don't know how I feel and if I feel is just a phase - I have gone through this before recently, but then after a day I snapped out of it - this has been a while now (and by a while I mean several weeks) and I don't feel any differently than what I did the day I brought this up to him, regardless of his efforts and my efforts to talk things through.

I asked him if he wanted me to stay to make him happy - he said no because he knew how I felt. I feel like we need to keep things "together" right now because my grandmother is dying, my little sister is getting married and there's just so much going on right now that I can't stand to make anyone else uncomfortable or unhappy about what's going on with David and I. I don't need to bring my worries into their lives because they have plenty of things going on that they need to worry about.

There is much to think about. I do love him/care for him and he's "in love" with me - there is a difference to me. We are trying with the romance thing, but it's really hard when I don't feel that romantic thing for him. I've tried looking at old pictures of him and I through the years, but that just brings up other feelings that were present but have not surfaced until recently.

So confused... and so unsure. So hate being in this situation and seeing how it's affecting David.