Doing a little better with the not talking on the phone thing - we've emailed one another about getting together tonight (he's making a dinner and I was going to go over there) - but I didn't talk to him at all yesterday. It was hard, but not as hard as I thought it would be because I kept myself busy - I went to the gym for about 2 hours, made a Greek Chicken Stew, finished up a movie that I was watching the night before, then climbed into bed and started reading a book. Tonight I will be going over there around 7:30, but don't plan on staying for too long as we're having to get together again this Saturday around 3 or 4 to drive up to Washington, DC for a Washington Nationals game on Sunday (we're spending the night at my sister's house Saturday night). That should be interesting - but over the past couple of months when we had to sleep in the same bed together we didn't really touch at all - not that I'm worried that will happen as we're not doing "that"... It'll just be weird and I wonder if it will set me back in my quest to "figure things out".
It hasn't really been that bad in the apartment though - I've actually enjoyed it some and I'm getting TV and the internet service today - so that should give me something else to do - I just find myself staying busy - either doing laundry, cooking, picking up, packing up winter clothes, learning my third language, working out, reading, etc. It's actually nice... but then this makes me wonder where things will go from here - will I actually choose to be single? and if I choose that, will it be what I truly want?
I have still told no one in my family that I have moved out - this is getting to be rather tricky and I'm thinking that my mother is catching on (i.e. she was trying to get in touch with me last night - called the home line a couple of times - I ended up telling her - this wasn't a lie - that I was at the gym until late; she also called the home line on Sunday and my husband told her I was out running errands... which I was getting ready to do, but when she called I was in my apartment). My concern is that they will just "stop by" for a visit and find that all of my basic items are missing. I guess if that happens I'll have no choice but to tell them what's going on.
The reason I haven't and don't want to tell them what's going on is because I don't need to introduce my drama into their lives. My mother and older sister are fighting about money, my older sister and my father aren't talking and they're talking about writing her out of their will, my little sister just got married, my brother is building a house trying to get out of my parents house because he, his wife and child need a place of their own, my grandmother is still going through her illness (which this reminds me I need to call and talk to her), my older sister is dealing with trying to get pregnant again and having troubles yet again, my parents are super busy with all their work - they don't need one other thing to think and worry about. It won't make their lives any easier... so I'm keeping it to myself.
My husband hasn't told anyone either - other than the one friend who I now believe HATES MY GUTS and WISHES ME TO HELL. I have reason to believe this because of what my husband has said he's said about me after he told him what was going on between us.
Let's move on from all that - we had a "date" this weekend. Not my ideal date during the day - the husband was out and got WASTED the night before (was out til 4am) with the buddy and his fiance (fyi - this is the buddy that HATES me). He got invited to their parents house - who have a pool. He calls me up at 4AM - drunk - saying that we're invited and we should go. This makes me extremely uncomfortable because I know how this guy feels about me and I tell my husband that I really don't want to - he continues to beg me and I cave. Awkward.
Don't really talk to them that much - spend most of the time either eating, laying out or swimming in the pool - good way to spend the afternoon without making it completely obvious how uncomfortable I am. We get there around 2PM and leave about 6PM. Husband is happy because I went and he had a good time hanging out with him. I leave to go back to my apartment to shower and clean up because we're going out to dinner later that night for pizza. Dinner went well - we end the night watching an old movie and I leave before falling asleep on the sofa. Other than the 4 hours of awkwardness - the night wasn't bad. It was nice to have a break in between so I could collect and prepare myself for the rest of the evening - which ended up being rather nice.
Again - still wondering if all this interaction will do me any good or if it will just hurt the situation and my goal.
